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the feelings.

I have a good dream last night-- and. The dream was.. Inspiring me to write about this today.

So, can i really honest, that i still love him?
Everyone maybe doesn't know, and now all of you will know lol.

I can't fight my feelings anymore, can't fake my smile, hide my pain. The truth is i stil hoping he'll miss me too, like i always did everyday.

I wish he look at me when i'm not looking
I wish he suddenly remember me whenever he hear my name.
I wish he still remember all of the things, that we did together, all the plans that we've been made together.

Like a Justin Bieber's song, did he forget all the things that he did with me? Cause baby-- i didn't.

This words sounds sooo damn murahan, and etc. I know that i shouldn't write this.
Because other can judge me, can hate me, can say bad thing about me, such as;

'How sad is she'
'Ck, bitch'
'She's idiot, what the heck'
'Whats wrong with that stupid girl? Loser'

I will admit that im stupid, i can't do the easiest thing...

Why i feel this way to you? why this thing going too much? why i still love you, feel the same idiot things, over-- and over again?

Its been 1 year since we break up, since you say goodbye, since you've been gone.
But hey, theres a stupid girl. who still waiting you say.

'Calm down, all of this shit is joke'
'Im forever yours'
'I love you, stay with me please?'
'Hold me, in your arms'
'Lets hangout, i miss you'
'I miss you a lot'
'This stressing me out, lets meet'
'I love you, goodnight?'
'Don't go, just don't.'

Yeah, i've been foolish by myself, been foolish with all of the stupid things that stuck on my mind.

Why i feel this way?
Its because you, you.
You're the one who tell me what is love, where i can belongs, and you're the one tho; who break into pieces.
But i admit, you're the one (again) who can bring back my broken; you can heal me over and over again.
I feel i was made for you, but i was wrong.
I'm too much hoping, i know god will never hear my wish because we're different.
I know we have a wall, a big wall.
I don't want to be like this, can't love.. Can't love someone the way perfectly i could love you.
I can't fix my broken, i forgot how to be nice. And all i do right now is being wrong; loving wrong person. And make the person who love me... got wrong treated.
I just got blind and suddenly i always have something like;

'If theres was you.. I'll never'
'If theres was you, you'll like'
'If theres was you, you'll hate this'

And much if theres was you.

It sounds so gross, but i just love you.
Just trying to bring back my life; when i'm not with you.
But everything changed, and... I forgot how to be me before i meet you.

Some picture just reminding me that you're real, not my illusion, not my dream.
Photo just make me feel little ease, because i know my feeling is real, you're real. And everything just was happend.
But the photo could make me miss you; more.
The fact that you're not the same person as 2-3 years before. You're mature and perfect right now.

I'll keep our story, as my promise. Maybe you'll forget this, but i wanna keep this as my favorite teenage memories, before it gets fade.

Hope we could be tottaly happy someday, and i wish... whenever i look at you, in the future.
I wish i could smiled back, huged you. And feelin nothing at all.

Wish all the good things for you, and for your life.

From, your minnie's 2014.

Write : 27.02.16 [1.36am]

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