Honest Confessions

So, harusnya gue belajar saat ini, cause tomorrow gue masih ada 3 jadwal mata pelajaran, so-- now i am here, want to write something that got stuck on my mind like a shit, like-- really, this things disturb me out tapi gak bisa gue tulis dalam kata-kata, and y'all know kan gimana nyebelinnya when you have something to say, tapi when lo nulis, you got nothing at all. Well, gue ngerasain hal itu sekarang.

Honestly ya, akhir-akhir ini gue sendiri gak ngerti kenapa and whats point that i want to figure it out? Hhh
I, just finally found someone who 'click' into my heart, tapinya.... well.... its something between i want to, tapi im afraid to.

Gue, bener bener enjoy how well being he is, i know, mungkin in couple years were still the same, tapi gue gak mau liat suatu saat nanti if we could fight, or mad at each other.

like... gimana kalo suatu saat nanti sifat nyebelin gue keluar? Gimana kalo suatu saat nanti dia capek buat ngehandle sifat gue yang sometimes up and sometimes down? Gimana kalo gue bakalan nyebelin dan cemburuan like i used to do? 

Sesuatu yang kaya gitu pasti dateng, i'll hurt him. Atau he'll hurt me, tinggal gimana nyikapinnya. Dan apapun itu, pasti bakal ninggalin bekas-- if someday i could hurt him. I swear i'll never forgive my self.

He is precious for me, more than just my friend. And for being his heart? No, i can't picture he'll mad at me. Or i'll be the one who mad at him. 

Gak bisa aja, i... won't break his heart, no. Gue takut kebiasaan gue yang 'protect whats mine' itu muncul, dan gue takut itu bikin dia risih.

Gue takut someday, i'll shouting at him, i'll yelling at him, and made his heart broken. Gue gak mau. well, No for a milion years.

Yaaa... gue sendiri sih, tau consequences in and between,

Gue tau antara pilihan gue yang ini, atau yang itu ada banyak kemungkinan yang ada. If i stay; with this zone. I mean, hey look at me. Im nothing, were just a friend.

Kalo he could find someone better, yah... gue bisa apa? Gitukan? Kalo dia males sama gue? Yaudah, he can walk away anytime he want. Begitu juga sama gue. Tapi i want him, thats was a huge difference. I was hoping since few years ago, and he didn't. 

Kalo suatu saat nanti, i can just being his step buat moving on. Mau gak mau, i can just accept that, iya gak sih? Ya.... 

Gaada yang bisa keep cowok, kalo dia gasuka sama lo, he'll never make a step.

And if he loves you, Gaada yang bisa cegah dia buat ngedapetin lo.

As Simple as that. 

Gue fikir sih as long as were together its okay ya, tapi.... gue takut suatu saat, he'll find someone better than me, im afraid...

Gue takut, seiring jalannya waktu, we can't be in each other's life anymore.
Gue takut, ada something didepan yang i can't see and predict come. Gue takut....

Tapi, kalopun we having a realtionship. I can't predict how everything would be. Gue takut gak sesuai sama apa yang gue harapin, gue takut i'll become Selfish, gue takut i doing something wrong.

I have so much scars.

So, i deciding to stay for what were standing for, urusan i'll take a move or not, biar belakangan. Let this be, let everything be.

Kalopun emang.... well, we aren't made for each other, ya... gapapa

Gapapa kan nish?
Yes, its okay..
We used to it.